Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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