just survived the first fart of the relationship.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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