shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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