you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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