It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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