I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
