I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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