i permit you to call me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
