the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
