Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
