Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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