I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize