my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
