How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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