Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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