Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
