Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
