Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The air taste purple.
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