Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
