Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
