You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
