This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
