there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
