So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
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"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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