This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
