he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
