Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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