A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
