saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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