i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
