The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
