I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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