Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
