Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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