I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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