I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
