I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
