Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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