Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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