I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
