If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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