So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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