A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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