I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
