just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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