"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
