At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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