we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
