Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
