YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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