i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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