I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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