we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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