I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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