Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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