Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
