There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I didn't notice because vodka
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
