I understand Curling. That high.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
