I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
