I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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