It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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