I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
