I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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