Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
