Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
