I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
