Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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