Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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