my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
