I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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