dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
