for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
pray to the hookup gods
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
