You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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