But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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