some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
